Monday, March 29, 2010

Super Awesome Mega Battle Tank

Between about 1982 and 1986 a young photolithographer at The Evening Post newspaper in Wellington muddled through a strictly amateur film-making project.

Five days a week he would work with chemicals that would make a modern health and safety officer faint, and on the weekends he’d head out with mates and workmates to make his movie.

OK, it was badly acted and the script was… well… the script was… well, never quite actually written. But that didn’t stop this determined young man from ensuring his workmates kept the exact same haircut for four years and didn’t stop him from getting government assistance to finish the project off.

The film ended up being shown at Cannes. The film-maker, a lad named Peter Jackson.

Now, 20-odd years later, in the same place where Sir Peter toiled preparing newspaper page negatives for the platemakers, another film-making project is taking place.

This is nothing new for the building. The Dominion Post building is huge, but really only the top six floors (ie, those above ground) are used. But if you take the stairs you discover they go down. And keep going down, into like a labyrinth of strange nooks and crannies. This large empty space has been home to various TV ads and at least one feature film (Stickmen).

In one particular area, my mate and workmate, Bill, has built his intergalactic space tank. Well, the interior at least. It has flashing lights and old car seats and ancient joysticks and a dodgy wooden wall that might fall either forward (and flatten the actors) or backwards (and screw up the take) at any moment, and some cheap computers for added technology.

There’s also a sofa and a ukulele for when Bill gets bored.

For the past couple of years he and a few mates (alas, not me, though I’ve dropped several unsubtle hints) have been involved with putting Bill’s sci-fi series together. Bill’s written the script and they’re churning through the 13 or so three-to-five minute episodes.

They’re incredibly badly acted, and the sound-effects are over-the-top, and the exterior shots are obviously a plastic toy tank sitting on a rock, and the script is absolutely brilliant. OK, maybe the editing is in league with the acting, but you can’t expect perfection – or anything close – on a zero budget.
Anyway, the first episode went up on Monday (after a long wait). You should definitely check it out … and encourage your friends to, too.

http://www.kiwispacepatrol.co.nz/

Thursday, March 11, 2010

Mockery Time!


A photographer at work took this picture and offered it to me for this blog (thanks, Steve!). It’s a piece – piece being the operative word – by a Chinese artist, but other than that, I know nothing about it.

I have no comment about its artistic merit and do not mean to belittle the artist's work. But I'm going to. I feel irresistibly obliged to mock it, and invite you to join me in doing so. Unless you're the artist, in which case, I'm really very sorry for making fun of your work and truly hope that some day you'll get around to finishing it.

Now, to get started:

* You’re not half the child your brother Greg is.

* Um, Mrs Johnson, we’re not sure if it’s a boy or a girl, and we might have to go back in.

* Oh, I didn’t notice the lower half was missing; I was busy doing my nails.

* Mrs Wilson, just what DID you smoke during pregnancy?

* She put the “mid” in midwife.

* We’re afraid the child might have some bladder control issues later in life.

* There you are, Mrs Jones. You get the other half when you’ve paid the bill.

* Mrs Evans, exactly how much drywall were you eating each day?