Speed Kills ... Kangaroos

I don’t mean to be critical of Australians. Honestly. I mean, it is a national pastime for New Zealanders to be critical of Australians, but I try not to be. I’ve been there. It’s a great place. The people almost speak English and only 90 percent of the wildlife tries to kill you.

Yes, the Aussies are crazy. But then, New Zealanders invented bungy jumping and the jet boat, put the first bloke on the top of Mt Everest and split the atom to eventually enable global thermonuclear warfare. We even had an early pioneer in flight, who arguably flew before the Wright Brothers (though all evidence of said flight was sadly lost in time). So really we are in no position to judge crazy, y’know?

But I digress.

One of the fun events in Australia each year is the V8 Supercars racing around the Mt Panorama circuit at Bathurst, New South Wales. It’s great – high powered saloon cars roaring around and around and around…

For any American readers: It’s kind of like NASCAR except (get this!) there’s bends that go both left AND right. And up and down bits. Often both at the same time!

Anyway, at a recent event the cars were roaring around when suddenly a kangaroo jumps from among the trees, over a barrier and out onto the road. A car swerves to miss it and then carries on its merry way. The kangaroo, undamaged, is nevertheless going: “What the fuck was that???” Interestingly, the car’s driver was simultaneously thinking exactly the same thing.

I don’t know the kangaroo’s fate on the day. But I do know that after consideration of the incident the Australian solution was this: Let’s shoot all the kangaroos in the area so this sort of thing doesn’t happen again.

This is despite the logical few suggesting: “Why don’t we just put up big fences?”

They have been car racing at Bathurst since, I don’t know, at least the 1960s. Forty years later one kangaroo jumps on the track during a race, and suddenly ALL the kangaroos in the area are doomed.

My solution is a compromise: The kangaroos should be incorporated into the race as a points bonus for the drivers.

“And Williams is coming off the mountain in first place. He’s got a five second lead on Murray, but only two roos to his tally. Murray, with seven roo carcasses to his name, could still take this race out…”

Or, if you’re more humanitarian, points could be deducted for hitting a kangaroo.

All I’m saying is that Australia has been given this natural gift of giant, bouncy marsupials. They should make the most of it.

In case you think I'm joking: Read about it here.

Addendum

So, I went looking for the specific clip on youtube (it's here), and what do you know, there's like 50 different clips of kangaroos hopping alongside V8s at Bathurst. Maybe they do just want to get in on the game.