I live alone, so often have the TV on for company, even when I’m not really watching it.
This is particularly so in the mornings, when I listen to The Edge radio station but have the television on in the background.
I used to watch Who’s Line Is It Anyway in the mornings, but lately that channel has been playing up early in the day, so I’ve switched to re-runs of Will and Grace. [Have to admit I laughed this morning when Will referred to Jack as “Notorious F.A.G”.]
After that it’s on with the radio and down with the TV volume. So there’s no point switching channels or anything.
Hence I end up watching the shows kind of out of the corner of my eye, while listening to something else.
For some reason the channel then shows re-runs of three programmes that obviously belong to the court TV genre. First up is Judge Joe Brown, whose whole courtroom seems to be packed with people they swept out of the trailer park; or possibly couldn’t get tickets for Jerry Springer.
Then the plaintiff and defendant stand up and demonstrate that the gene pool really does have a shallow end. As for the Judge? Well all I’ll say is that he’s not doing the African American stereotype any good whatsoever.
Next up is Judge Judy with her nearly all-white courtroom; all having fallen into an entire vat of makeup on the way in. JJ herself wears a frilly robe and a couple of giant glittery rocks on her ears that make me think of those African or South East Asian tribes who stick giant, weighted discs in their ears as a sign of virility or something. Indeed, Judy is definitely saying: "I might wear black, but I'm fucking loaded and don't you forget it, matie."
Third up is Cristina’s Court, which must have somehow won a daytime Emmy at some point because the opening credits include her holding it! She seems a bit softer edged that Judge Judy; but it’s all really just a pile of shit.
Now, if you ever are unfortunate enough to see one of these shows I want you to consider this: The cameras. There is inevitably about four feet of space between the judge and the contestants. Yet there is a fast cut of shots from one contestant to the next, front shot, left side, right side, side shot of plaintiff and defendant, straight on shot of the judge, side on of the judge, and a wide angle of the courtroom where no cameras are seen at all.
Where are the cameras when things are handed up to the judge? When everyone is talking? I’ve seen those big-arse TV cameras; if they’re cleverly using three, or as I worked it out, five; how can the courtroom audience possibly hope to see the judge, and vice versa?
And then there will be all the production crew and director off to the side; which is probably why you occasionally see one of the people in the background suddenly and inexplicably look off to stage left.
It's all been edited together so we believe the illusion though. Hell, even when the judge finds in favour of the defendant he/she will just pay the $300 bill, pick up their $5000 fee for appearing and bugger off happy.
I just find it strange is all. Just sayin’.