Why I hate commercial radio but love The Edge

My car stereo died.

I can’t afford to replace it right now, so have to make do with what I’ve got. What I’ve got is a CD player that no longer accepts CDs, a radio set to Japanese frequencies and a tape deck.

I don’t know if the tape deck works … I haven’t owned a tape in about 10 years.

Fortunately, my radio does just manage to pick up one station – Classic Hits 90FM. So I listen to that on my drive home, and each day pull into the car port saying a silent prayer of thanks to the best radio station in the world: The Edge.

Classic Hits is a reminder of everything that is wrong with commercial radio.

First and foremost, the commercials. There’s thousands of them, all running back-to-back and only occasionally interrupted by DJs and “classic” hits.

Why did he put the word classic in quote marks, you ask? Well, these are, almost without fault, songs that I hated the first time around. There are current songs I don’t like, mixed with a healthy dose of middle-of-the-road has-beens. I would give examples but I tend to mentally block them out.

Then the DJ has one piece of trivia a day which he/she will tease for hours.

“Which famous rock star loves flashing their breasts? Have a think about it and keep listening. I’ll tell you soon.”

Twenty minutes later: “Do you flash your breasts in public? I know a rock star that does. That’s coming up next.”

Ten minute break for ads. Another tease. Crap pop song that reached Number 31 on the charts on the back of high-rotation airplay in 1981. More ads. Turns out the breast flasher was Meat Loaf.

By this time, of course, I have deliberately crashed my car into a brick wall at high speed just to get some relief from the brain-dead inanity of the radio.

In the mornings I listen to The Edge on my small transistor radio. Now The Edge is pretty close to being the number one rating station (on average) throughout the whole country. It also broadcasts online.

First up, I want to say that I’m not a great fan of the playlist. But it’s a Top 40 station and nobody is ever going to like everything that’s in the Top 40. On the other hand, when they play “classic” hits, they play bands like Pearl Jam and Harvey Danger. Great stuff.

Two minute ad breaks. And not between every single segment. Need I say more?

Interesting gossip or bit coming up? We’ll have that about 7.30 this morning. More Scandal with Jay-Jay Feeney coming up at 10-to-eight. Of course they have teasers, but they tend to tease something like an interview that’s coming up “on Tuesday next week”.

Multiple DJs who totally take the piss; rather than a single DJ battling boredom with his one piece of lame-arse trivia.

The Morning Madhouse; the award winning (and sometimes just nominated) breakfast show.

Dom Harvey – no one person should be this anarchically funny. A ball of blokish attitude with a punchline for every occasion. A man who knows where the line between hilariously funny and inappropriate is (and it’s usually just behind him).

Jay-Jay Feeney – Dom’s long-suffering wife and the voice of reason on the show. She is thankfully out-voted on objection to many of the show’s more outrageous ideas. But even then she ensures everyone is aware of her opinion. An incredible sense of fun tempered by an innate sense of responsibility.

And Mike Puru – the ambiguous one. The straight man … maybe. It’s the eternal question, actually; is he gay or is he straight? I know; but I’m not telling. The funny thing being, though, that it doesn't actually matter. We'd love him either way. Does he really smoke that much weed? Generally he's a good bloke and we're sure he'll worm his way back on TV one day. Once he learns that "b" is not a vowel. Kia-ora, mate.

Later in the day you get Fletch and Vaughan. Twin towers of insanity (who would welcome terrorist attacks).

So, really, I’m just taking this moment to voice my appreciation for The Edge. You keep me sane rather than driving me insane. Thank you.