I saw an article today saying the Galactic Suite Ltd's Space Resort – the first space hotel – is set to open on schedule in 2012. The tariff is rather steep though at NZ$6.27 million for three nights.
And if that’s anything to go by their mini-bar prices will be exorbitant.
But it got me thinking, what would life be like aboard such a place? Especially once things got settled down and the wrinkles were ironed out.
“Ladies and gentlemen, welcome aboard the Galactic Suite Ltd’s Space Resort, I’m your concierge, Hal.
“Now a few things to cover before you are escorted to your suites. First, and please remember this, no matter how stuffy it gets in here do NOT open a window. It’s a simple rule, but one that’s already claimed the lives of three of our guests.
“We ARE in a non-gravity environment and this applies to the whole hotel. It’s not possible to call room service and ask for gravity to be turned on in your suite. It just won’t happen.
“Please remember to strap yourselves into your bed before you go to sleep. We’ve had problems in the past with guests floating down the hallways while snoring and then staff members haven’t known which suite to return them to, and if we guess wrong… well, that’s another law suit.
“Just a reminder to keep cellphones, iPods and laptops turned off for the entire duration of your stay. They may interfere with the hotel’s navigation and send us all plummeting to Earth in one giant, screaming fireball. Which is a pretty hefty price to pay for a game of World of Warcraft.
“Feel free to use our sun deck if you want to catch some rays. Bear in mind the sun rises every hour-and-a-half and is only up for about 40 minutes, yet we still recommend using our special SPF10 million sunscreen with ultraviolet and anti-solar radiation filter. At this point I urge you to read the fine-print regarding unique tumours, rare cancers and inadvertently turning into a superhero.
“As well you’d know, this hotel has been credited with the responsibility for turning the Fantastic Four into the Quite Interesting Seven; with our company having been behind the accidental creation of Dr Paranoid, Captain Inert and, of course, Cheese Toasty Man.
“One of the temptations associated with being in this frictionless environment is to send yourself rocketing down the corridors to give yourself the illusion of flying. It can be exciting. Unfortunately, you have no braking or steering mechanism and the walls are just as hard here as they are on Earth.
“Feel free to look at the stars as much as you like. They’re a truly beautiful sight, but no, we cannot turn them off if you’re trying to sleep.
“Yes, the Moon does seem so close up here; but no, we cannot just pop over there for a barbecue.
“While we are in orbit, we lack the facilities to stop the hotel over your home town so you can wave to the neighbours.
“Once again, welcome to our hotel. We hope you enjoy your stay.”
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"Oh, and one final note to our smoking guests. There is no smoking onboard, but you are welcome to don a space suit and exit the craft at the East Lock. Do not forget to tether yourself to the craft BEFORE opening the hatch, else you can KYA bye bye."
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