Yes, it's about cricket – no, I promise it's not boring

This is a public service announcement for all you sports lovers. Particularly the Americans, who love “all sports” with the definition of “all” being golf, tennis, basketball, NFL, ice hockey, volleyball and soccer.

New Zealand is primarily a rugby nation. But that’s a winter game. We don’t really watch baseball. It’s boring, we say. You stand there and watch nine innings of guys swinging bats –or not swinging bats – and seldom, if ever, making it even to first base. At the end of the game only three runs have been scored. Dull, dull, dull, dull, dull.

But, responds Mr American, what about cricket? Four days standing around watching some guy throw a ball at a guy holding a tree trunk. The batter blocks the ball, nothing happens and the crowd applauds! Four days, and often nobody wins. And we can never understand the rules anyway.

Well, I say… um, good point.

Recently, however, a new form of cricket has emerged. It’s called Twenty20. The professional Indian Premier League (IPL) has bought up top cricket players from all over the world to take part in their series, now being played in South Africa. [For some reason India was considered too dangerous… so they opted to move the whole operation to South Africa… which to me is a bit like seeking shelter from the sun by hiding in an active volcano.]

Anyway the IPL games last only about three hours and can be very exciting; but only if you understand how the game is played.

Here's a quick outline:

Basically, in the middle of the field is a strip of carefully prepared ground called a “pitch”. This ground has been meticulously prepared. If it was a pet it would be Paris Hilton’s poodle.

At each end of the pitch are three sticks of wood sticking up; these are singularly known as wickets and collectively known as "the wicket”; they have two small “bales” perched on top.

A batter is sent out to guard one end of the wicket. The other team’s bowler throws the ball down the pitch. If the ball hits the wicket the batter is out. If the batter hits the ball and it’s caught on the full, he’s out. If the ball hits his leg and the umpire decides that, if his leg hadn’t been there, it would have hit the wicket, then the batter is out.

Once the batter is out; that’s it. No return. Ten batters to a team. Each batter, ironically, is also referred to in a general sense as a wicket. Look, just don’t ask why, OK?

Now the object for the batters is not just to guard the wicket, but to run between them. Kind of a “neener neener” to the team in the field. The winning team is the one with the most runs at the end of the game. To encourage the batters to take risks, if they hit the ball to the boundary, they automatically get four runs. If they hit it out on the full (a home run in baseball) they get an automatic six runs.

But if the ball stays in play, gets thrown back to the wicket and knocks the bales off without the batter there, then the batter is out. This is called a run-out. Essentially this is decided by whether they have the bat within a small box area in front of the wicket called the "crease". Don't ask.

Now, the bowler throws the balls in sets of six. Each set of six is called an “over”. IPL games have 20 overs per side. Typically, each side sends out its heavy hitters first, but they then also meet the other team’s best bowlers.

Traditional cricket has unlimited overs. They just keep bowling the ball until it starts raining or they run out of batters or the bowler’s arm falls off. With limited overs the pressure is on from the start. Because only 120 balls are bowled by each side in Twenty20, the batter really has to make the most of each one. This means he’s more likely to take risks and try to make big hits (lots of fours and sixes).

This is entertaining. Especially for men (because when a four or six is scored, or a batsman goes out, scantily dressed dancing girls come out and shake their booty).

Don’t worry too much about the cricket terms. Hell, nobody knows what they mean. When the commentators talk about having someone at “silly mid-off” or at "fine leg” or “away to cover” they have no idea what they’re talking about; they’re just saying it so they’ll sound smart and get paid more.

Likewise they throw untold statistics up on screen, but the only one you should be interested in is the actual score. This is shown in two parts; how many runs have been scored, and how many wickets (batsmen) have gone out. So, 103/5 after 10 overs might be reasonable in Twenty20 (but a disaster in a test match). For the second half of the game, they will also show how many runs the team is chasing to win: "103/5 after 10 overs, chasing 183 – they need 81 runs off 60 balls, or 8 runs per over".

You might also wonder at the amount of padding the batters wear. They have leg pads and cups and helmets and giant gloves. This is because the cricket ball is rock hard and gets thrown at between 60 and 95 miles an hour.

Just as in baseball there are mind games going on. The bowler has a range of options about where on the pitch to bounce the ball – if at all – before it reaches the batter. If he puts enough spin on the ball then it could hit the ground and change direction completely. He can also determine how high it's going to bounce.

In a four day test it is all about the mind games. But in Twenty20 it’s flash, fast and fun. If you’ve got, I don’t know, ESPN11 then you might even be able to catch a few games of the IPL.

I sat down and pieced together how NFL was played and now enjoy it immensely. I can only ask you give Twenty20 cricket the same courtesy.